My 5 Biggest Work-from-Home Mom Struggles & How I Overcame Them
Being a parent who’s the main caretaker, has kids at home, and works from home is HARD. So here’s what I’ve struggled with & how I’ve tamed them.
I was a teacher for 8 years. I had every plan to go back after having my first baby. But one day in July, I called my principal and told him I wasn’t coming back.
And for the first time since I was 18, I was without a job or a salary.
It was a weird place to be in.
But it wasn’t an abrupt decision. It had been percolating since the first day we came home from the hospital. Between being home with my baby since March and not being able to find decent, affordable daycare, it just made sense.
And I struggled during my first year of being home.
So here are the 5 struggles I had – and still have – as a mom working from home:
1. Finding time
2. Balancing work vs. family
3. Loneliness
4. Feeling like I wasn’t making any progress
5. Feeling unworthy when I wasn’t bringing in income
So for any moms (or dads!) who are feeling these same struggles, here's my advice:
1. Track your time so you know how much time you have in a day to work.
My biggest mistake was acting like I had more than a few hours a day to work. It made me feel terrible when I didn’t cross everything off my to-do list.
Breastfeeding took hours. Pumping took hours. Feeding, changing diapers, bathing – it all took hours. From the day. From me. From the things I used to do that brought me joy.
When you’re in the thick of it with a new baby, sleep training, teething, another cold, it DOES take hours.
But when I couldn’t perform like I did pre-baby, I was pretty hard on myself.
Don’t do that.
Give yourself some grace.
And then start to look at your time differently.
Understand there are small pockets of time you can use to work. Track your time, learn where those pockets are (and it’s not just during naps) and how you’re using them.
I’ve written about productivity as a mom. You can check out those articles here and find an article here to learn more about time tracking.
2. Figure out a working schedule so that you can serve yourself and your family.
So I found time, but I still sent my needs straight to the bottom of the to-do list.
Laundry, dishes, making dinner, running errands. Getting all the “things” done came first.
Taking my baby to library events, playdates, the park – all these baby and mommy things people said you need to do.
Plus, trying to actually work.
It burned me out. Shocking, right?
So I learned to say “No” to more stuff that didn’t serve me and started saying “Yes” to what did. And that meant dropping a lot of other people’s expectations of what I needed to do as a mom and fulfill my own expectations.
As a reformed people pleaser, this is way hard. But if I can do it, so can you!
Want to work out but have baby jamboree? Skip the jamboree and work out with your baby. They make a great weight and love all the attention.
Want to read a book that doesn’t have pictures? Read it out loud to your baby.
If you need to get work done, work during naps, before everyone gets up, or after they go to bed – whatever works for you.
Don’t be ashamed to carve out an hour of quiet, focused work by putting on a few shows. I loved using PBS Kids because it was educational programming (so I didn’t feel as guilty about the screen time).
There are loads of creative ways to make your schedule work for you.
Photo by cottonbro studio
3. Network on social media platforms to make connections and fight loneliness.
I’ll be the first to admit that I dislike social media. It sucks up so much time for what is mostly utter nonsense.
However, I started using social media to network for freelancing work. These small social moments of commenting on other people’s posts or sending a DM helped me feel more connected.
So if you decide to use social media to connect with other moms who also have little ones and are working from home – make sure to set parameters around your time.
Limit yourself to a certain amount of minutes a day and then stick to it.
Of course, you could join mom groups to find people to connect with. I found constantly going out of the house ate up way too much of my time. But if that works best for you, do it!
4. Remind yourself that even small steps are better than no steps at all.
So now that I’d found some time for work and was figuring out how to balance my work vs. family (sort of), it made my to-do list seem endless.
Something always needed doing.
Wash the dishes. Blink. More dishes. Laundry to fold with 85 little pieces of clothing. Blink. Another 85 now covered with spit-up and food.
And it was easy to get lost in a long list that I couldn’t seem to control.
But I could control my list, and this is what I did.
First, set your priorities.
Because you really can’t control time, you can only control your priorities.
If getting the laundry done and a proposal sent to a client are the top priorities, then focus there first. Everything else that gets done is a bonus.
And instead of keeping a list of “to-dos,” started keeping a list of what got done.
Took a shower. Check! Put the laundry into the dryer. Check! Sent an email to an important client. Check! Played peek-a-boo with the baby. Check!
You get the endorphin rush of crossing it off your list AND a nice list of accomplishments.
Because it’s progress, even if you’re crawling.
5. Don’t wrap up your worth with money.
Oof, this one.
It’s a huge mind shift if you’re used to working full time and bringing home a full-time income.
But there is so much you do and give to your family that isn’t tied to a paycheck.
You make the doctor’s appointments, set up play dates, cycle out the clothes each season, and decide what everyone is having for snack, breakfast, lunch, and dinner until eternity.
Don’t wrap up your worth with money.
Even though I was bringing in some income as a freelance proofreader, I still struggled to find value in who I was because it was so much less and not consistent.
Yes, I was a nanny, cook, maid, chauffeur, and a dozen other unpaid, unacknowledged roles. But because those were “free,” I felt like my contribution was less.
Most of this narrative was coming from me. From how I was raised to only see value in the dollars and working a traditional 40-hour role.
As hard as it is, let that shit go.
I’ve slowly shaved off this narrative, but it still crops up now and again.
So I remind myself of all that we save by me being home – like over $2,000 a month in daycare alone!
Photo by Kampus Production
Being a parent is hard.
It doesn’t matter if you’re working from home or at an office. Or you’re a stay-at-home parent.
We all struggle.
Anyone who says they aren’t – please check on them. Something in their life is probably falling apart.
Let’s support each other and talk about our struggles. And how we’ve overcome them or at least found healthy ways to deal with them.
What do you struggle with?